Q: When is the time to teach your children? 

A: When they are ready 

When is the right age to tell your children that Santa Claus is not real? That you are the one who buys the presents and hides them under the tree? I had no idea when to teach my children that Santa wasn’t real. I just watched them to see if they had quizzical or suspicious looks during Christmas when we mentioned Santa. Because I was an observer, I knew when it was not the right time, and I waited patiently for the right time to come. 

That time came 3 years ago in January, when my oldest daughter was 9 years old. She came to me one morning when we were getting ready for school and said, “Is Santa Claus real?” I looked at her and saw she was serious. I didn’t want to rush the answer, so I figured if she was late for school, what would they really do? What does a tardy really mean to a fourth grader in the grand scheme of life? I ran downstairs, grabbed a picture off the wall, and closed my bedroom door so the younger children wouldn’t hear. I showed her the picture and had the following questions and answers with her: 

Question I asked                                                                                         Answer she gave 

How does Santa Claus hold you when you tell him what you want?        On his lap 

What colors does Santa wear?                                                                     Red and white 

Does Santa smile when he sees children?                                                   Yes 

Does Santa love to give children what they ask him for?                            Yes 

Does Santa ‘see you when you’re sleeping’ and knows when you’re awake? Does he know if you’ve been bad or good?                                                                                         Yes 

Who are we really talking about?                                                                 Jesus 

 She and I talked for about 10 minutes and she was excited when we were done. This conversation was a full meal for her, meaning she was hungry for answers and she received them. I could have given her a small snack by saying, “No, he isn’t, but I’ll explain the rest after school.” This snack would have been unsatisfactory, because when you are hungry, you want to eat, not snack. If I had given her a ‘snack’ answer, she might have asked more questions to kids at school, and they would have told her that her parents were Santa. She probably would have been disappointed and not come back to me for more questions. 

When you give your children a full feast instead of a snack, you are telling your child you are available to answer questions, so they feel more comfortable coming to you later with more questions. This is a crucial part of parenting! You want your children to feel comfortable coming to you with questions, and trusting that you will give them full and honest answers, tailored to their emotional level. 

Because I waited to tell my daughter until she was ready, I didn’t spoil the magic of Christmas for her. When you teach a child too early, it can sometimes make them bitter about the experience. When the child is mature enough to hear the answer, they will be able to better regulate their emotions, rather than being too young to hear the answers to questions. 

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