R E S P E C T – Parents should require respect 

from their children 

Why should parents require respect from their children? Why not ask for it, and if it is not given, why make a big deal about it? The answer comes from William J. Doherty, Ph.D. who said, “Parents whose children treat them disrespectfully will eventually start to fear and resent their children.1” No parent wants to fear or resent their children; we want to love them. 

 Here are 10 tips to be respected by your children2: 

 1. Respect your child 

 2. Expect respect 

 3. Explain your new policy on respect to your children 

 4. Tune your ears to the sound of respect and disrespect 

 5. Nip disrespectful behavior in the bud 

 6. Use a special tone of voice in response to disrespect 

 7. Use time-outs for non-cooperation when the child will not stop the disrespectful behavior 

 8. Be firm but keep your cool 

 9. Combine zero tolerance with a long-term view. Challenge every disrespectful behavior-without exception 

 10. If the problem is chronic and these strategies don’t work, consider seeking family therapy 

 My oldest, who is 12 years old, has lately begun speaking with an insolent tone of voice to me and her dad. I have been talking to my husband, Joel, about my parenting class for school and what I’ve been learning. One evening after dinner she made a rude comment for her dad and then walked away. I nudged his elbow and looked at him with wide eyes. He sighed, and then called for her to come back. He told her in a firm voice, “You don’t speak to your dad that way. You’re off electronics for the rest of the night.” Later I told him that I was proud of him for expecting respect. 

 We have not been good at nipping disrespectful behavior in the bed, and we plan to start now. We do not want this behavior to keep getting worse, especially when she will be getting older and hormones will kick in which will make her attitude even worse. We want our younger children to see that we will not accept rude behavior so they will act respectfully. As Dr. Haim G. Ginott said, “Children need a clear definition of what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior. It’s difficult for them not to act out their impulses and desires without parental help. When they know the clear limits of permissive behavior, they feel more secure.” 

 WORD COUNT: 447 

 1 Doherty, William J. (2013). Take Back Your Kids: How to Teach and Get Respect. Excellence & Ethics, Winter/Spring 2013, 1-4 

2 Ginott, Dr. Haim G. (2003). Between Parent and Child. Harmony Press. (192-203)